Words of a Life

Finally Getting Around To It

Now that I've been home for a week, I figured I'd better hurry up and write this post.  It's hard to believe it's been a week (and two days, but who's counting?), but then again it seriously feels like it happened weeks ago. 

So here it is:  It's done.  I still can't quite believe it.  But yes, I am officially done.  Well, except if the grad college finds a mistake on the manuscript.  But other than that, I'm done.  My defense was surprisingly easy (I say this in hindsight, of course) and rather enjoyable.  Bottom line - my committee signed off on it.  And the English Department Graduate Coordinator has now signed off on it.  It is all in the hands of the Graduate College.  But I'm feeling pretty confident.  And happy.

So I don't forget, here are the highlights of the trip for me:

• Surprising my friend, Deed, at work on Thursday afternoon.  Deed, your face was precious!  It was so good to see you and talk with you and catch up.  I miss you!  Deed and I also got to enjoy lunch together after my defense - another highlight.
• I was in the tiny conference room they use for defenses waiting for one of my committee members to arrive.  When he walked in, behind him was my other professor, Grant.  Grant has been my advisor/thesis chair since I started the program way back when.  Last year when I thought I'd be getting done, I let Grant know - and found out that he was planning to be on sabbatical, which meant I had to jump through hoops and convince someone else to be my thesis chair and find another reader as Grant wouldn't be able to be involved at all.  I haven't really spoken to him since (didn't really want to after that crap) but honestly, it was cool when he came in.  He was so proud of me  and I didn't expect that.  And it was good to see him, to reconnect on a positive level, however brief.
• A few minutes with my department secretary.  Kris is the most awesome person ever.  And she has helped me so much during my time at UNI, so much that I acknowledged her in my thesis.  It was so cool showing her that and getting to visit with her a bit.
• A brief moment with our department grad coordinator - love him.
• Dinner with the three women who have gone through this journey with me.  The whole evening was just what I needed - good food and the company of great women.  The four of us hung out a lot when I was living in the area and it was good to catch up with all of them.
• Time with Katia and the boys.  I stayed with them on Thursday night and had intended to drive back home on Friday after everything was done.  But I felt awful by the end of the night (exhaustion and a massive headache), so I called Katia and asked if I could stay again.  And my awesome friend simply said, "Get here."  It is good to feel loved.
• Celebrating with Chris when I got home - my husband is one proud guy.

So I am done.  And happy.  And still kind of in disbelief.   But very, very happy.

A photo post is in the works.  We've had our friends three little ones all weekend and it's been an adventure.

Wishing you all a good week.

Feeling Defensive

It is within reach.  Simply unbelievable to me.  Yet here I am, up late packing and gathering every possible thing I could need.  In about 12 1/2 hours I will head way east and slightly north to my very favorite place to be in the fall*.  When I arrive approximately four hours later, I will run around trying to gather more needed items as well as make copious copies.  And then I will head a bit north again and find myself in the company of friends.  Come Friday morning, I will drive back south, and make my way to a dingy, dark little room in a stately old building that used to be The George T. Baker Hall for Men and is now simply Baker Hall.  I will spend an hour having a "conversation with colleagues" - our department's term for a thesis defense. 

It is odd.  When I received the e-mail with the time and date of my defense, I thought I would be excited, nervous, ready.  And I was all those things, but later on, after I thought back on how long this has taken and all that has transpired in the time since I first walked on campus, I realized I was also a little sad.  Strange, right? 

I have a friend who has several masters degrees in addition to her BA degree from years ago.  I asked her why she kept getting degrees when she wasn't necessarily using them professionally.  Her reply was that she loved to learn and being in the classroom kept her sharp.  I have a feeling I may be following in her footsteps.  Maybe not many masters degrees, but I have a strong desire to get back into the classroom.

*A note about my favorite place to be in the fall - I'm not sure what it is, but there is something magical about university campus' in the fall.  Maybe it's the hope and energy, the vibrancy of the incoming freshman, the almost-done relief of the more cynical and weathered seniors.  I can't put my finger on it, but it is just plain cool.  The campus I return to is stunning in autumn.  The gardener/landscaper has planted trees that turn fiery orange and red, brightening the dullness of brown buildings with stunning colors.  I love it there.  I love the winding paths all over campus taking me from the library to the student union to the parking lot behind the huge monstrosity of a hall that houses the graduate college.  I am sad that this will be one of the last times I am there as a student.  I will return next spring for graduation but this is it for now.

Have a great end to your week.  I am off to defend the words of a life. 

Various and Sundry

I have discovered that I really, really like bullets!  Here we go!

• It's been a good weekend. 
• Chris had a great time and is home and relaxing. 
• It is still raining.  It's supposed to rain all week.  My farmers are not happy.  Which means they will probably be in griping, um talking to me all week. 
• I have a wetland determination that i am supposed to go back out on this week.  It is already so wet that I will probably have to swim through the wetland.  Landowner is not going to be happy. 
• The rain makes me all nesty, which means I cook and bake and clean. 
• My house is in various states of disarray because I start cleaning something and then find something and get distracted.
• My living room (the least used room in the house) is very clean.
• My bedroom is clean, too.
• All of the laundry is put away (minor miracle in my house).
• Found out another set of friends is having huge marital issues. 
• I spent Saturday with my girlfriend getting spa treatments (she got a mud wrap and facial, I got a full manicure and pedicure), scheduling our treatments for next month, and eating both breakfast and lunch (many hours apart - but it was funnyt that we did both).
• Made awesome beefy quesadillas with mango chutney last night - YUM!
• Made scotcharoos to take to my office and to send to Chris' office.
• Today I caught up on some of my scandalous TV shows (have I mentioned that I love our new DVR?), sorted through photos, got some packages ready to mail, wrote out cards, went to church.
• I also tackeld a new recipe - Pumpkin Pecan Pie.  Last fall I went to a meeting and the wife of the organizer catered in the meal and she made this pie.  She was gracious enough to share it and I finally tried it.  It definitely isn't as pretty as hers but it tastes awesome.
• Still waiting to hear from my thesis committee.  We're down to 10 days to get this thing defended.  I'm praying my chair will contact me tomorrow. 
• Have a meeting tomorrow night I'm absolutely dreading.
• I'm sitting in our comfy chair in the office and Chris is laying on the floor and Ace of Cakes is on the little TV and I'm listening to the rain beat against the windows and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all that I have, all I've been blessed with.  I want to hold on to this feeling, bottle it up and keep it with me for when those moments of sadness start to overwhelm me.
• It has been a good weekend.
• And it is still raining.
• Peace, Friends. 

Why Yes, I AM Obsessed - Thank you!

Good news!  My thesis advisor e-mailed today to say he'd spoken to my whole committee and they agreed that once this set of rewrites and corrections is done, they'd all like to look it over one last time and then we schedule the defense!  Most likely towards the middle of October.  In light of this, Chris asked what I was going to do about graduation.  And with little emotion (so not characteristic of me!), I said I'd still walk in the spring - Bring on the Luau! 

So not to seem overly obsessed here's a rundown of our lives -

• Still perplexed at the lack of apples at AppleFest.  But Chris has promised to bring a bushel back with him from Michigan next weekend. 
• Harvest is in full swing here and my allergies hate me.  I love allergy shots!
• Less than 2 weeks until we start the cl*mid.  Not sure how I feel about it.  Not ready to process it either.
• Went to Bible study tonight where a guest talked about losing her 2 year old to a choking accident (she is an EMT and couldn't save him - basically watched him go brain dead in front of her eyes) and then miscarrying 4 months later.  And then about her eleven days in a mental hospital.  And how she couldn't feel God for so long.  And how now she does.
• I am learning that although I am a very emotional person (no not bi-polar but I can have manic highs and lows if I don't watch my anxiety), I am starting to detach if things are too emotional for me.  Case in point: most of the women at Bible study were crying during this woman's story.  I never even got close to tears.  I get more emotional over Kleenex commercials.  I am getting very good at detaching when I want to and sometimes when I don't. 
• Not sure if I like the detaching.  I don't always like being over-emotional me, but detaching seems so surreal.
• Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.  I could use a three day weekend.  What?   What's that?  Monday is Columbus Day - and it's a Federal Holiday?  And lucky me happens to work for the federal government.  Conclusion - Yeah me!!!  A three day weekend just in the nick of time!
• This weekend I will be helping Chris build swords and spears and daggers and shields - all for his fighting-in-the-woods game.  I am a good wife.  He has confirmed this.
• Feeling the need for sleep. 
• One final thing - can you help me?  I have to get ideas to a bunch of people on what I want for Christmas.  They all refuse to access amaz*n.com and use my wish list.  So tell me what I want for Christmas - need some $25 items and some $50 items and some higher items.  Any recommendations will be considered.
• Peace Friends.

Still Obsessed with the Thesis

I finally got comments back from 2nd reader - only 11 days late but at least I have finally received them.  And, really, they are good comments. And mostly about grammar and punctuation, pagination (they are very, very strict about margins and pagination in the Grad college), etc.  There were just a few comments on content in regard to the poems (enjambed lines, flow, etc).  To say I am thrilled right now is a massive understatement.  Today we have plans, but sometime tomorrow I will sit down with all 3 sets of comments and tackle the beast also known as my thesis, and perhaps this will be the last time.  Which means I could get done this semester.  Yeah!  But also brings up my conflict with graduation. 

Chris and I have been talking about the conflict with graduation.  Niobe suggested in the comments on another post that I just walk through next spring.  And we had thought of it but dismissed it.  Because, come on people!  What could be more important than my graduation???  I'm not usually like that - Chris says one of the reasons he loves me so much is that I am not selfish at all (he has actually had to force me to be a bit selfish).  I tend to let others walk all over me.  So when it came to graduation, this light at the end of 6 1/2 years of work, I claimed it as mine. 

And then, back in June, my mom asked me what days in December would NOT work for Chris and I for a certain event.  My only response was December 15th.  A week later we went up to visit my mom.  And lo and behold the only day that would work for said event was December 15th.  I was stunned - but just for a moment.  You see, this kind of thing happens a lot in my life.  I could give you a detailed list but I'm afraid it would either bore or horrify you.  Anyway, long story short, both my graduation and the other event are on the same day - and four hours apart in terms of driving time, making it almost impossible to participate in both. 

With this little thesis delay I was thinking I'd finish next semester making the clear choice that I'd be walking through graduation next spring.  With the end now in sight, I am almost certain I will finish this fall.  But we have decided to suck it up.  I have to check with the school but I will officilly finish this fall but walk next spring - and throw a big party along with it!  Call me shallow, but I really wanted to have a big luau party when I graduate.  No gifts, but lots of friends and food and fun.  We even have a good friend who has a pig farm and will roast a whole pig for us to give it the real luau flair.  So my choices were:

1. Walk in December - none of my family will be there as they'll all be at the other event.  My in-laws would possibly come down but not guaranteed.  No real party as it is just too freaking busy in December with Christmas parties (our Annual Christmas Open House is on December 1st this year if any of you want to come!), sending out Hanukkah packages on time, end of year stuff, travel (we go to MI for Christmas this year), etc. 
2. Officially graduate in December and walk in May - which also means I will have my official degree before I walk!  They send the actual degree out a month or two after the end of the semester so I'd get mine in January or February  - that would be cool.  Walk in May - much better odds that my in-laws will make it but still probably not my family.  Being the first one to get a master's degree is nothing to my family.  But I will have a kickin' party the next weekend (we live four hours from the university I'll graduate from making a same day party next to impossible) complete with roasted pig and pineapples and tiki torches and Japanese lanterns and bocce ball and fruity drinks and graduation cake,  you get the picture.  But this option will also afford me more family harmony as my family will have one less thing to fling at me in anger in 40 years. 

So we're going with Option 2.  I am feeling a huge peace now that the decision has been made.  And who's to say I will actually get done this semester.  But whatever happens, I like Option 2. 

How come all week long I can't think of things to write about and then I have 10 post ideas at once?  I do have pictures to share with you and more thoughts on lots of things.  But right now, Chris and I are goign to head to the Apple Festival in a nearby town and then spend some time buying all things necessary to build swords, shields, and daggers.  :) 

Potpourri

Because I am too tired to do anything but bullet, here we go:

• Chris and I played in our first ever golf tournament yesterday.  And it also happened to be the first time either of us had actually golfed, all putt-putt aside.  It was fun - but not as relaxing for me.  It was a best ball scramble so more relaxed than a real tournament.  Good news - I sunk an 8' putt for 1 under par.  Bad news - we got yelled at big time by some people who cut in when they were not supposed to.  I don't do getting yelled at so that was pretty much the end for me.
• We took the plunge and got a DVR installed yesterday.  And Heroes starts tomorrow.  Coincidence?  I think not. :)
• Busy week ahead - we are booked almost every night, plus I have the HSG on Thursday.  Feeling a strong need for a vacation.
• My professors are stressing me out.  Two of them are a week late in getting me my latest draft.  I have to have my final thesis copies to the department by October 26th.  Between now and then I have to finalize my draft and get all 3 readers to sign off on it, defend it, make copies, etc - all from 4 hours away.  If they don't get a move on I won't be able to finish this semester. 
• Part of me is seriously disturbed with the prospect of not finishing this semester.  The other part of me is relieved.  Why, you ask?  Well, I have a bit of a conflict on graduation day for the fall semester.  And if I don't finish this fall, well I can just finish in the spring, freeing me up to attend both events - graduation and the conflict event.  Which I'm not sure I want to do anyway.  But it will probably be better for me in the long run if I do make it to the conflict event. 
• Despite all the stuff going on in December, and the fact that every single weekened is booked, save the very first one, we have decided to go ahead and hold our annual open house.  It will be on December 1st and you are all invited! 
• Now I must go to bed. 

A Bad Habit of Playing Catch Up

Back from Michigan.  Actually we've been back since late Sunday night but it's been another crazy week.  Michigan was wonderful.  The weather was beautiful, the leaves just starting to change.  I had a wonderful time playing cars round the clock with my adorable nephew.  He is simply too wonderful for words.  And we just found out that he is going to get a little brother or sister in April - possibly on Chris' birthday.  We are all very excited about that special news.  Since there are so very many things I'm trying to remember to share, I'm going to make it easy on myself and bullet.  Highlights over the past 10 days include:

• We started off the weekend with side-by-side spa pedicures here to celebrate my sister-in-law, Carrie's, 30th birthday. 
• On Friday night, Carrie, Marshall and I went for a long walk to try and find the non-existent movie rental store.  We swung by the local ice cream shoppe for a treat on the way home.  About 8 blocks from their house, we realized we'd dawdled a little too long as it started pouring!  Marshall had been walking up until this point but we tossed him in the stroller and ran.  We were all thoroughly drenched but we've gotten a lot of giggles about it since.
• Saturday afternoon, Carrie's friend Becky, and our friend Amy, drove to town and the four of us met up at the Doherty Hotel for a nice meal, followed by cake and ice cream back at the house.  We then stayed up giggling and making roasting stick holders out of salty dough and trying to make them look like marshmallows stacked on top of each other.  Becky is a Girl Scout leader and this was part of their recruiting efforts for the new school year. 
• Made omelets on Sunday morning before saying goodbye and heading down to Kzoo to pick up Chris.  We made it back to Iowa in record time and I got some awesome sunset photos along the way.
• You will never guess what we brought back from Michigan.  I'll fill you in on that in a bit.
• Took Monday off to recoup - ended up getting sick.  Bleh.
• Spent Tues-Fri busting my butt at the office trying to get certain projects done before the end of the fiscal year.  Still have 2 weeks before the official end but I have to get my part done to get it to another agency so they can get their part done.  Got most of it done - need to track down one person on Monday to get signatures and my part is done.
• Finally talked to my boss about needing to deal with a co-worker.  Said co-worker works for our sister agency that is housed with us.  Said co-worker is so freaking mean when she wants to be.  She enjoys making me look like an idiot in front of clients and anything that goes wrong is always my fault or the fault of my agency.  Six months ago, during my mid-year review, the one issue my boss brought up was that I was letting this person walk all over me.  We all know that when you stand up to this person it is not good and she can spend the next 5 years taking it out on you.  But I finally have had enough.  Got the wheels in motion by documenting everything that's been going on.  I'll give my boss a written copy on Monday.  I am done being a doormat.
• Also talked to my boss about upcoming medical procedures.  She is very understanding - and also understanding of how freaking emotional I am right now.  It is at these very moments that I am so, so thankful to have a female supervisor.  The men I've worked under would have all been cool about it too, but I feel like my boss "gets" it.  And it's a good feeling.
• Dwelling on way to many negative things right now.  It's not good to get too deep into my head - and I've been doing that far too much lately.
• Still waiting on comments on my thesis from 2 of my readers.  Hopefully just a few more changes to make.  Very, very hard to imagine this actually happening.
• Got my first facial today - wow!  Even if it's all a bunch of phooey, it felt so amazing I'd do it again in a heartbeat!  My salon has a little bed that looks like a space capsule that you lie in while they do the facial - an hour in the bed itself is worth the money.  Also got a manicure - my fingernails are currently Malaga Wine while my toenails are sporting some Koala Beary.  I love the fun nail color names. :)  I met my girlfriend, Stephanie, at the salon (she got a massage and pedicure) and we followed our spa time up with lunch and a decadent chocolate dessert.  I love my girlfriends!
• Just submitted my poems to a new, online journal featuring women writers.  I'll let you know if they pick any of poems to publish. 
• Hmm, think that might be it.
• OK, going to bed.  I'll post a few pictures of Michigan tomorrow, along with a photo of what's in my living room.
• Peace, my friends.

Done...for the moment

I just shipped the most recent draft off of my thesis to my committee via e-mail.  I am so freaking relieved.  I'm also a tad nervous.  I know what sticklers they are and how many pages of comments I had the first time around.  I'm hoping for significantly less this time.  I honestly don't mind the comments - my thesis is much better because of them.   The problem comes in when I get comments from my 2nd and 3rd reader and the comments are in direct contrast.  Makes for tiring revising.  But it is done for now.  They have to have comments back to me in another two weeks and then maybe I can start thinking about scheduling my defense.

We had a great weekend.  Our friends came down for a visit and we threw a picnic/cookout on Saturday night.  There was much eating of the food and drinking of the beverages.  There were children everywhere - very fun!  And the adults even managed to get in some game playing.  We broke out the bocce ball and later on got in a game of Settlers of Cataan which, miracle of miracles, I managed to win.  I rarely win so it was a hard fought victory. 

Now just a 2 1/2 day work week (YEAH ME!!!) to get through and we're off to Michigan for a long weekend.  Chris and Mike will be off doing their fighting-in-the-woods thing while I help Carrie celebrate her 30th birthday.  We're getting massages and manicures on Friday before the guys leave.  Then on Saturday, I think she and I and Marshall may hit one of the local orchards.  Saturday night, our friends Amy and Kellie are coming up and us girls are going to celebrate.  Should be a fun weekend.

Have lots more to update you on but will have to wait.  I am typed out. 

Still Consumed

An update, bullet-style:

• Saw Becoming Jane on Saturday night with a couple of girlfriends.  LOVED it.  But then, I'm a literary geek.  Honestly, I don't care if it's true or not; it's just nice to think that my beloved Jane Austen had a little love in her life. 
• Had a great time with the girlfriends.  Stopped at Maggie Moo's - if you have one near you, try the better batter with anything! YUM!  So busted the crap out of my carb limits!
• Had Dr. appts on Friday.  The endo went great (regular endo, not RE); he is super happy with my weight loss and numbers and I don't have to see him again for 4-6 months.  Yeah!
• Appointment with ob/gyn was OK too.  Got the general female stuff done.  Then talked for a while about the next steps.  I go in for the HSG test next month, then if that is OK, I start low doses of clomid.  Dr. L said it has worked great for his PCOS patients, of which I am one.  We talked about more options but these sounded good for now.
• I did OK with all of this info until Sunday afternoon.  In the back of my head, I guess I've still believed that we will be able to get pregnant without much intervention.  And my discussion with Dr. L dispelled that belief.  And it broadsided me on Sunday afternoon.  Broadsided me and kicked me in the teeth.  I got emotional and started crying and didn't stop for quite a while.  Chris did good - he just hugged me and said it would still all be OK.  And I like being able to still believe him when he says that.
• Went with a friend here on Monday night.  It was pretty awesome.  I'm processing a lot of stuff in regards to what I heard.  And it was so good to spend time with my friend.  She gets me, and that is very cool.
• Very excited about our friends coming to visit this weekend.  They're the ones who moved away in July.  I'm so, so happy to get to see them - and see my little twinks.  We're having a cookout on Saturday night, kind of in their honor, and then they will be staying with us that night.  Yeah!
• So not excited about working on the thesis - but still plugging away.  It has consumed nearly every free moment.  I think I'm going to take either Thursday or Friday afternoon off, or maybe all day Friday, if my boss will let me, to work on it and get the darn thing done.  I need a little more uninterupted time to work on it than I get in the evenings.  I have to ship it back out on Saturday to my committee.  Then they have 2 more weeks to review and get it back to me.  Hopefully this 2 week cycle isn't repeated more than once or twice more.
• I made a decision about something in regard to finishing my MA and walking through graduation ceremonies and I know some people will probably judge me harshly for it.  But I've received a blessing to do what I need to do from the other person involved.  I'll explain it  all later, but for now just need to shut up.
• Good guess by Cori - the Haiku series was about corn.  Major crop here in Iowa - corn and soybeans.  That it all I see when I look out my window, oh, and soybeans.  Cause, you know, that's all we freaking grow here.  I actually spent this afternoon at a field day, riding around on a hay rack, talking about corn and soybeans.  You will not believe the number of conversations I've had centered around corn.  Seriously.  I've even been to a corn palace.  Again, seriously.
• I leave you with another poem.  This one is a true story - believe it or not.  No, husband's name is not Brad; it's Chris.  And yes, Chris knows the story.  :)

Kissing Brad at Chevy's Bar & Grille

Needing to be swept away by passion

What I really feel are your hands on my ass,

Your fingers digging into the flesh

Of my ass, not a caress

More a grope, as your lips settle on mine,

Sweeping this way, then that before finding

The perfect spot and pressing home, shifting

Again, pressing lip to lip, now pulling away, giving

Me a chance to catch the breath I've been holding,

As I run my hands up your back, tugging at the folds

Of your collar and pull you back to me

Ready to make this the kiss just the beginning.

Progress

I have had a couple of very productive evenings.  The thesis is coming along.  All of the grammar, punctuation, and syntax corrections have been made.  I have three to four sections that I need to work on in regard to content.  I have a few of those scenes reworked but haven't popped them back into the body of the piece yet.  That will happen on Saturday. 

Oh, I should probably mention that mine is not your typical research-based thesis.  There are moments when I think that would be easier.  But no, I decided to pursue a masters degree in English - with an emphasis in Creative writing, meaning that my thesis is creative - several poems and a novella to be exact.  Overall, I am incredibly pleased with it.  A little stressed at the moment because my 2nd and 3rd readers are incredibly detail oriented.  But overall, very pleased.  It is going to be good.  And I am so happy about that.  I'm also thrilled that I'm almost done!  I started this bugger back in the Fall of 2001.  Granted, I was working full time and only going to grad school part time, but wow, it's taken me a while.  I have to stop and give myself credit because so many things have changed since I started the program.  I moved in the middle of everything (after dealing with a horrible work situation for over a year), finished my course work via e-mail and snail mail, spent the next two semesters meeting my foreign language requirement, got married the following fall, studied for and PASSED my comps on the first try (This was a HUUUUGGGEEE thing for me!) and have been working to finish my thesis over the past year.  And now it's almost done!  Yeah!

I have a week to get the rest of the changes done and then I ship it back to my whole committee.  They have another 2 weeks to review and send it back.  Then we'll see what happens.  With a lot of luck I'll be defending in late September/early October.  Once I defend and get the big OK, I'll tell you about the graduation ceremony drama that is already occurring!

My husband just informed me that I have to go to bed since I have to drive to the city tomorrow to see my two favorite doctors in the world.  Actually, one of them is way too intense but my gyno - now he is a great guy!  No one can make me laugh like that while he's feeling me up! ;)

To purge that image from your minds, I leave you with one of my favorite pieces from my thesis.  Tell me if you can guess the subject.

A Year in Haiku

Spring

Hard yellow seed seeks

Dark, warm, fertile earth to spend

Next four months growing

Summer

Minute yellow seeds

Shoot into great green giants

Almost overnight

Autumn

Rows upon endless

Rows, golden waves, falling to

Mercy of machines

Winter

Only stalks, short yet

Strong, shield the cold earth, needed

Once, now loose refuse