Words of a Life

A Post With No Name

Another two weeks has gone by and much has transpired in my little life.  Bullets are the name of the game today:

• Started our first injectable cycle.  Interesting, lots of weird side effects, but no pain, no gain - right?
• Cried at work - like all day.  Love the side effects.
• Attended our first adoption info meeting.  Made a romantic weekend out of it.  Despite state basketball tournaments and millions of high schoolers inundating the city, we had fun.  And we got in some good shopping (found an Easter outfit) and visited with a friend over lunch.
• Don't ask me how I feel about either the IF treatments of the adoption.  Because I don't know right now.  I don't know if I'll ever know.  OK, I probably will, but I'm not going to divulge it right now but maybe you'll get the sordid details when I'm a little less edgy.
• Got the very necessary monthly cut & color.  Found out my stylist is heading to another salon.  Will definitely be following her there.  No one has been able to work magic on my hair like she can.
• Had my mid-year review.  Once again, no reason to worry.  But try telling me that before I go in.  Due to a really crappy review a few years back, I am pretty traumatized when it comes to having my performance critiqued.  My anxiety levels sky rocket in the days leading up to it.  It is always a relief to have it done for another 6 months.  And really, my boss is cool.  She would never wait for a review to tell me I need to improve something.  And I like that a lot. 
• Got to help give our friends a kickin' present for their little one set to arrive any day.  A whole bunch of us went in on it but me and another friend got to do the honors.  It was super fun!
• Got some good snuggle time in with my friend Tina's 5 month old E.  She is a teeny little thing and it was so nice to just snuggle and relax with her. 
• Presented at a regional meeting and survived!  It was good experience but I still get nervous - but I got to present my project to some of the bigwigs and that was cool.
• Had our first cook-out of the season (yes, we are rebels!).  And a super neat thing - our grill (many years old) gave up the ghost last fall.  I had been planning to get Chris one for a birthday gift but when we invited friends up, they asked if we were going to grill.  I mentioned the demise of our grill and they asked if we wanted a new one.  Hello?  Yes!  Our friends, Joe & Shiela, bought a new house last summer and the bank they went thru was running a special and giving grills out with new home loans.  So they got a free grill.  And they already had a really nice, fairly new grill.  So they brought us up a brand-spankin' new propane grill that is a lot nicer than our old one!  And yeah, it was free!
• And to top it off, we partied like animals and stayed up until 1:30 in the morning.  We are wild!
• Oooh -and I have massive frustration over my wonderful fitness center closing its doors - mucho sadness in my life!  I have become very disciplined about working out and I am so sad.  But my darling hubby is cheering me up immensely by telling me we can buy whatever piece of equipment I want.  Yeah!

That's life in a nutshell.  My life, reduced to bullet points.  And I'm OK with that right now. 

And, what, you ask is on the schedule for the next few weeks?  Who knows?  Well, really, tons of meetings this week.  And on Friday my friend Katia and her boys are coming down for Easter weekend.  We're planning some family board games, cleaning up the yard from the ice storm back in December and taking in a showing of Horton Hears a Who in addition to Easter service on our yummy church potluck - and no, you have never seen so many egg bakes in one place.  I learned my lesson a few years ago and now just make cross, chick and bunny sugar cookies - they're usually gone in a flash. 

Peace, Friends.

Another Gap

I am trying to feel guilty about my lack of posting.  But I really don't feel it.  The guilt, that is.  Because (and I'm lapsing into my latest word obsession here) DUDE, I write for me.  I mean, I like it and all that many of you read and leave me comments.  And I like it that you keep coming back.  I don't ever intend nor want to be one of the super high traffic blogs out there.  But I would like to be more consistent.  That said, let's begin.

I am stinkin' tired.  Bone-deep tired.  And why, you might ask?   Well, because I did a silly thing that my thirty-something body didn't want to do.  I think I've mentioned that Chris and I teach the junior high kiddos at our Wednesday night church thing.  After months of questions and interrupted conversations about boys, dating, etc, I felt moved to invite the girls up.  So we did a slumber party last night - complete with sleeping bags all over the family room and tons of junk food and hyper, goofy, sweet girls and staying up almost all night - the detail my body is still ticked off about.  Four of my good friends/co-teachers/small group friends helped me out and we all kind of co-led.  We started out with the fun stuff - mini-pizzas and food, moved into building each other, then into self esteem and God's view of us.  And then, despite that we had hours of curriculum planned, we felt moved to let the Spirit move, despite our very human nerves.  My friend, S, shared her story of teen mommyhood, and then we opened it up for questions.  And we answered HOURS of questions - on every subject imaginable (Thank God one of my friends is an ob nurse - she was a huge help!).  I prayed that the girls would be impacted, that they would understand this heart relationship with their Father.  But I wasn't prepared for the impact this evening would have on me.  When we took breaks, instead of heading off immediately for food, several of the girls sought out an adult to spend some individual time talking (we never even offered this but the girls just knew we'd listen) and to say that my heart is breaking for some of the hurts they've been through is a gross understatement.  I was unprepared for some of the things I was told but felt that the Spirit guided my heart and words in response.  Do me a favor - say a little prayer for my girls, would you?  So the girls arrived at my house at 5:30ish last night and we were miraculously out the door and loaded into vehicles at 7:35 this morning and into church and seated with 5 minutes to spare.  (I say miraculously because of the 5 of us women, 4 of us tend to be late for church - every week!) 

After church they were all discharged back to their parents, Chris and I stayed for Sunday school, which I even stayed awake for, drove home, ate and crashed - hard.  I slept from noon to 3:00 and still feel like I could sleep more.  But, lucky you, I decided to update y'all on my life.

In other news, tomorrow we go back to the Dr. again, this time for bloodwork and an u/s to check the progress of the drug cocktail I'm on - 5 days of clomid and, so far, 4 days of injectables.  At this appt. the doc will decide whether to leave the cocktail as is or up dosages.  So far (besides a few nasty headaches) the side effects have been at a minimum.  I am hopeful, but not so hopeful that I will lose hope if we don't get our miracle this cycle.  I am hopeful because I know God has got this.  And I don't have to worry about it.  It's a good feeling.  Funny thing, this is the most aggressive we've gotten so far in tackling our fertility issues but this is also the most relaxed I've been.  I still care, but I am not so wrapped up in it.  Again, good feeling.

One of the reasons I'm so relaxed could be that our adoption meeting is this next weekend.  We head over Friday evening and plan to have a romantic dinner followed by a night's stay at a fine establishment.  The meeting is Saturday morning and we have plans to see friends for both lunch and dinner with a dash of shopping in between. 

We also found out that a youth event scheduled for next weekend (14th) has been postponed  so we now have an evening free - yeah!  And within hours of finding out the event was postponed, a very good friend called to tell me that she and her kids desperately missed us and when could they come visit for a weekend?!  Isn't God good?  I was just missing this friend so very much and was thinking it was going to be quite a while before we'd be able to get together and now I get to see her in less than 2 weeks!  Yeah! 

Funny thing, but my tiredness seems to be lifting a bit.  Make take advantage of that and throw in a load of laundry.  Hoping you are all having wonderful weeks.

Preoccupied

I just noticed that it's been a long while since I've posted.  And I have no real excuse, other than general busy-ness. 

Quick summary of January:

• Spent the first weekend of the month visiting our friends, Tony & Kathi and kiddos, up in Northern Iowa.  Joe & Shiela and Kiddos went with us.  We all had a great time being together again and watching the kiddos run circles around us.
• My friend Jonathan came for a quick visit.  He was a finalist in an emerging composer composition in Omaha.  He was able to drive up for the day and we enjoyed lunch and catching up.
• The next night Chris and I headed to Omaha to attend the concert and hear Jonathan's composition performed by local artists.  We were blown away.  The rest of the contestants did a nice job but Jonathan's piece was phenomenal. 
• And to add a dash of small world, Jonathan introduced us to a woman named Norma.  We got to visiting and she mentioned being taught by Benedictine Sisters.  I asked where, and added that my mom had been a nun (yes, really - I'll post a picture some day) at Mount Marty in Yankton.  Guess what?  So had Norma.  Now keep in mind that my mom left the convent over 40 years ago.  It was pretty unbelievable.
• Spent two awesome evenings with some new friends, Chris and Cara.  And they are going to come to Small Group tonight to check it out.
• BYF (our Wednesday night church youth program) is back in full swing and I'm dealing with a bunch of junior high hormones.  It's been intense.  And is a whole post in itself.
• This weekend we are holed in - it is stinkin' cold out there.  We ventured out for church this morning.  And will run to town for Small Group tonight but otherwise, we haven't left the toasty wamrth of our little house.
• I'm currently in a reading frenzy.  Just finished PS I Love You and another chick lit book.  I'm working on Water From the Rock and The Dream Giver.  And my sil gave me My Sisters Keeper for Christmas.  And I have a list of others I'd like to get done this winter.
• I've also had the urge to bead.  I got five new bracelets done for the MOM Project.  I need to get several more done and send those in.
• I'm not sure what it is about the cold weather, but I have had this desire to cook and bake a lot lately.  I've spent a big chunk of the past two weekends in the kitchen making all kinds of stuff.  What are you making, you ask?  Just yesterday I made a crustless bacon and egg quiche (full of veggies - very yummy!), Rosemary chicken, roasted potatoes, green bean casserole, homemade rolls, homemade chocolate cake (my mil's awesome recipe), banana muffins from scratch, and chocolate chip muffins.  Hungry anyone?

So that's life in a nutshell. 

Peace, Friends.

Here

We made the drive to Michigan yesterday and it went quite well.  I had prepared by packing the power inverter and laptop and had even checked out season 1 of the Gilmore Girls from the library for entertainment - I've never watched the series save an episode here and there but I've heard good things and wanted to try it out.  We had quite the foggy trip - driving thru four states - all foggy.  I slept a good bit and then spelled Chris for a while.  I slept thru the Iowa/Illinois state border crossing (my favorite part of the trip usually - gorgeous view!).  Later on, after a quick drive-thru dinner, I got out the electronic equipment and set up my DVD marathon.  First problem - our inverter decided to just not work.  So I figured I'd watch on the laptop until it went dead which was a great plan.  But the laptop isn't charing properly and decided to die after the opening credits.  Boo.  Instead I got another nice nap and then took over driving duties once we got into MI.  We made it to my in-laws around 3:00 (2:00 our time). 

We had a short night's sleep and then were off to pick up party supplies and finish Christmas shopping.  Already it is just so good to be here.  I dread leaving.  Not a normal comment when talking about visiting in-laws.  But my in-laws - they are just the best.  I can't wait until we live closer.

Ooh - fun news - I got to open my Christmas gift from Chris' brother and his wife - Mike and Carrie.  We are going to see Second City tomorrow night here in MI.  Yeah!  Awesome gift - and I'm so excited that we get to share it with them. 

Hope you are all having a wonderful holiday weekend! 

As Requested

Since Niobe asked, I decided to share.  Seriously, this is the easiest fudge recipe ever.  I thought my old recipe was the easiest fudge recipe ever but this one trumps it.  And this one reminds me much more of the fudge my grandma used to make.

Easiest Fudge Ever

What you need: 1 can of sweetened condensed milk (I used the fat free and it came out fine); 16 oz of chocolate chips (I've made milk chocolate, white chocolate and semi-sweet so far and all turn out fine)

Mix these together and microwave for 3 minutes.  Stir and add 2 tsp of vanilla.  Pour into a foil-lined pan and chill. 

That's it.  And it's good.  I prefer the milk chocolate; Chris likes the semi-sweet.  I even experimented tonight with the caramel-chocolate chips I had.  And we made another pan of milk chocolate and sprinkled Heath toffee chips on top - I think this pan is the best! 

I'll post the bonbon recipe tomorrow - it's almost as easy as this one.

Bad B Movie: The Wedding Recap

We got home from Little Sister's wedding a bit ago.  It was interesting.  The ceremony was nice.  It was a traditional Catholic ceremony complete with the Mass.  Chris and I had to laugh at ourselves as we still knew all of the responses to say, all the songs, chants, etc.  He even said part of the priest's lines - we giggled quietly.  I hesitate to write anything negative in case my sister ever stumbles upon this blog, but on the other hand, Duuude.  So I think I'm going to do positive/negative bullets. 

First the positive:

• Little Sister looked beautiful!  Very glowing and happy.  She and I got in a few minutes of sister time last night.  I gave her my advice - forget everything else, don't let anything bother you.  Focus on the fact that you are marrying the man you love. 
• Had a few precious moments with my Dad.
• Our hotel upgraded us which was very nice. 
• Got in some Christmas shopping and we're almost done.  Yeah!
• Spent some time talking to my other sister, Robyn, and her husband, Erik.  I forget how fun they are.  We're going to plan a trip to Denver to see them and my other sister and her family who are out there.
• Had an awesome time with my niece, Cori.  She is so cute and we danced up a storm.  I helped her dance her first Chicken Dance.  We also shared a piece of cake - she ate most of the frosting although I wore a bunch of it for her.  :)  We stopped by Robyn & Erik's hotel room to pick up Christmas gifts and change clothes before our drive home.  Cori walked over and plopped down on my lap and snuggled.  It was perfect - just what I needed.
• Saw some of my aunts and uncles and family friends who I haven't seen in a long time.  It was so nice to catch up.
• Got some great pictures.
• Her bridesmaids were great - very friendly and fun - I know two of them from when we were younger and it was nice to see how well they're doing.
• My mom made us butterscotch bonbons - and I ate 1/4 of them already.  YUM!

And the negative:

• The worst was that the stepfather of Nicole (one of the bridesmaids) passed away this morning.  He had cancer and was doing OK but got an infection and was taken to the hospital last night and was gone this morning.  She chose to stay but she had a very tough day.
• The groom's mom took all the photographs.  Can I just say that I think this is a dumb idea.  Especially if you are a mean mother of the groom.  She got snippy with me when I was taking pictures.  I explained that I wasn't using my flash so I wouldn't interfere with her's.  She didn't get it.  She does not know anything about photography except how to use her non-slr digital camera.  And she would take pictures when people had their mouths open or weren't looking. When someone commented on this she said that the only people who she had to make look good in the photos was the bride and groom.  So I laughed when Chris was walking around the reception and got a picture of her eating - mouth half open.  Her son-in-law was all, "How's it feel now, Tami?  Heh heh heh!"  It was precious.
• So I've mentioned that Little Sister is young - like 22.  Not the most mature but they've been engaged for three years. They got engaged 2 months before Chris and I.  They didn't make some great choices in the planning and preparation.  Does the phrase "Champagne wedding on a beer budget" make any sense?  That's what it was.  And it didn't work so well.  I felt bad because had she only accepted the help all of her sister's had offered we could have given that to her.  But she only let the groom's family help - and frankly, they are a bunch of rednecks.  And yes, I'm using redneck in a derogatory fashion.
• Ok, the second worst thing - the cutting of the cake.  First the groom's mom insists on carrying the cake to the head table and having them cut it there.  Then as they were feeding each other the cake, Little Sis made a dumb move.  She kind of pushed the cake in her hubs mouth and went to smear a little on his face.  He then proceeded to smear cake all over her - lots of nice chocolate spots all over her dress - in the embroidery and everything.  She was incredibly angry.  It took her a good hour to cool off.  After talking to her, I made the comment to some friends that he might want to think of apologizing (he'd been keeping his distance) and a friend of his overheard me and went to talk to him.  They kissed and made up.  But it was awful to watch and to see their reactions.  I seriously hate that tradition.  Hate. 
• So the other thing both Chris and I noticed was that the groom seemed completely uninterested in the whole day.  Most brides and grooms are lovey dovey and a little touchy - he wasn't interested in holding her hand, kissing, anything.  In the middle of the maid of honor's speech, the groom leaned over and started a conversation with his groomsmen.  Maybe all normal stuff but we got such a weird vibe off of him.

Anyway, it's done.  We gave them some Christian books about marriage - with money tucked into the pages.  But they have to actually open the book to find the money.  I'm wondering if they'll ever find the money.  We are both venting.  Chris is in the other room recounting the whole weekend to a good friend of his. And I'm posting here.  And then we're done.  We're going to be as supportive as we can and hold them up in prayer.  That's all we've got.  And I seriously hope they can look back on this day with wonderful memories. 

Anyone got a great wedding horror story?  Niobe - this reminds me of your post and all the great responses!

More Than Just a Day

The turkey is in the oven.  The two different kinds of stuffing (plain and oyster) are waiting on the stove top.  The green bean casserole is with them.  The rolls are rising.  The cheesy potatoes are in the crockpot.  The pies are ready.  All this was done over 2 hours ago. 

As we wait for family and friends to arrive, we are watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade - and Santa just arrived.  I love Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving growing up was always the same - dinner around 4 (my dad always had to work until 3), lots of relaxing, watching the parade, family games in the evening, followed by early to bed and shopping in the morning.  About eight years ago, I realized I didn't have to go home for Thanksgiving to feel thankful.  By that time, several of my sisters were in other parts of the country and couldn't make it back.  So I started celebrating with friends - all trading off hosting duties.  This year, my parents and one sister, and our good friends and their two little ones, are coming over. 

Working on the pies last night, I started thinking back to two years ago.  Chris and I had spent Wednesday running around the city, picking up groceries and last minute items including a chocolate fountain.  We swung by the airport to pick up our friends, Amy and Laini.  They came in from different parts of the country, on different airlines, in different terminals - but, little miracle, we were able to get them both and rather quickly.  We came back to the house and dropped everything off and get settled.  Thanksgiving Day was full of cooking and laughter, catching up with friends and getting more last minute details taken care of.  We ran to visit friends and play games, showing Amy and Laini a bit of the countryside.  And then it was home to relax again.  The next morning we were up wildly early, running to town to decorate the hall, wrapping gifts, finding the right CD.  And then it was time to pick up the dress from the seamstress, run to the church, find the programs.  Rehearsal was at 6:00 which looking back is kind of funny since most of our wedding party wasn't even there yet and wouldn't be until late that night or sometime the next day.  The rehearsal dinner was a relaxed pizza party - I'd do it this way again.  And then it was home to try to get some sleep.

Saturday dawned mild and partly sunny.  Chris and I bucked tradition and started the day out with breakfast together at our local coffee shop.  His best man/brother and his family joined us, as did my maid of honor.  A nice relaxed breakfast together - the perfect way to start the day.  And then we were off again - him to get tuxes to the rest of the guys and me to get hair and make-up done.  The next few hours flew.  I don't remember everything, in fact, I don't remember a lot.  I do remember smiling so much and fighting back happy tears.  I remember our ring bearer falling asleep on the altar, holding my dad's hand as we walked down the aisle, me helping him to stay upright.  I remember laughing and dancing and Chris making sure I ate from the chocolate fountain.  I remember Chris' smile.  Oh yeah, and I remember getting stopped by the deputy sheriff on the way to our wedding night accomodations!  That is one for the storybooks.

I love that our anniversary is so close to Thanksgiving (this year on Monday).  It is a gentle reminder of how incredibly thankful I am for Chris.  And as much as I'd like to post more, I would really prefer to go in and relax with him.  So that's what I'm going to do.  I have so much more to write.  But I am going to go snuggle with my husband and thank God for him.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Reason #12: Why I Love Christmas

In my present state of mind, there is something incredibly satisfying about biting the head off of a chocolate, marshmallow Santa. 

So Big

Went to a great concert last night.  He sang and he spoke.  It was powerful.  And incredibly emotional.  I was crying halfway through the second song. 

The very cool part was caravaning down with a bunch of friends and all sitting together and coming back and meeting up at one couples house for conversation and ice cream.  T and B have a 2 1/2 year old and 3 week old little girl.  Needing a baby fix, I asked where Little E was.  T said she was on their bed  (co-sleeper) and to go get her.  I went in and Little E opened her eyes and I scooped her up.  We snuggled and took a stroll.  And since Little E has recently started taking pumped milk in a bottle, she and I bonded while she ate.  And then she took a snooze in my arms.  It was perfect and absolutely what I needed. 

And then, B and I were chatting as Little E snoozed and we were suddenly smelling this awful, incredibly nastiness and I'm thinking there is no way Little E can produce that, and B says he can smell it.  He takes her to go change her and I walked into the kitchen - which also smelled nasty.  It wasn't Little E.  It was a friendly skunk outside the kitchen.  He wandered away quickly enough but it all gave us a good laugh.

Today we slept in.  It is the first Saturday in many moons that we have nothing concrete planned and nothing we had to get up for.  It was perfect.  Chris has a test/training to study for and we are going to do a little housekeeping.  A friend is doing a showing of her pottery at a local coffee shop and I plan to run to that.  Throw in a quick run to the grocery store and mabye the most local discount store (so need necessities!) and maybe the video store.  Not too much to do.  Time to relax.  Sounds like a perfect day to me.

A special thank you to all veterans - including my dad and my father-in-law.  Thank you.

PS - About the title - right now, all I know is that the love that surrounds me - yeah, it is so big.  And I don't want to forget that.

Various and Sundry

I have discovered that I really, really like bullets!  Here we go!

• It's been a good weekend. 
• Chris had a great time and is home and relaxing. 
• It is still raining.  It's supposed to rain all week.  My farmers are not happy.  Which means they will probably be in griping, um talking to me all week. 
• I have a wetland determination that i am supposed to go back out on this week.  It is already so wet that I will probably have to swim through the wetland.  Landowner is not going to be happy. 
• The rain makes me all nesty, which means I cook and bake and clean. 
• My house is in various states of disarray because I start cleaning something and then find something and get distracted.
• My living room (the least used room in the house) is very clean.
• My bedroom is clean, too.
• All of the laundry is put away (minor miracle in my house).
• Found out another set of friends is having huge marital issues. 
• I spent Saturday with my girlfriend getting spa treatments (she got a mud wrap and facial, I got a full manicure and pedicure), scheduling our treatments for next month, and eating both breakfast and lunch (many hours apart - but it was funnyt that we did both).
• Made awesome beefy quesadillas with mango chutney last night - YUM!
• Made scotcharoos to take to my office and to send to Chris' office.
• Today I caught up on some of my scandalous TV shows (have I mentioned that I love our new DVR?), sorted through photos, got some packages ready to mail, wrote out cards, went to church.
• I also tackeld a new recipe - Pumpkin Pecan Pie.  Last fall I went to a meeting and the wife of the organizer catered in the meal and she made this pie.  She was gracious enough to share it and I finally tried it.  It definitely isn't as pretty as hers but it tastes awesome.
• Still waiting to hear from my thesis committee.  We're down to 10 days to get this thing defended.  I'm praying my chair will contact me tomorrow. 
• Have a meeting tomorrow night I'm absolutely dreading.
• I'm sitting in our comfy chair in the office and Chris is laying on the floor and Ace of Cakes is on the little TV and I'm listening to the rain beat against the windows and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all that I have, all I've been blessed with.  I want to hold on to this feeling, bottle it up and keep it with me for when those moments of sadness start to overwhelm me.
• It has been a good weekend.
• And it is still raining.
• Peace, Friends.