Words of a Life

On to November

November ended up being one of our most exciting months of the year.  We spent the month counting our blessings and giving thanks for so very much.

The first couple of weekends in November we kept busy helping friends move and catching up with other dear friends.  We got in some awesome family time and celebrated Annie’s 6 month birthday.

The second week of November our social worker came down for our final post placement visit.  The following Saturday, November 19^th, our county hosted a local Adoption Day Celebration.  Annie’s adoption was finalized along with 14 other children!  The day started out with some crazy freezing rain and some of our dear friends north of us were unable to come down.  Many others were able to brave the weather and we had over 55 friends and family members join us in the courtroom for the official ceremony and at our celebration dinner afterward at a local Irish pub.  It was such an amazing day!  Although she has felt like ours from the moment her birth parents placed her in our arms, it felt amazing to have the adoption finalized and know that our sweet girl was officially, legally, our daughter.  I smiled so much that day that my cheeks hurt for two days afterward!  See evidence below - our official courthouse picture.

A few days later we loaded up the car and drove out to Denver, CO to spend Thanksgiving with my family.  We had a great time!  Besides enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with my sister and her family, and then dessert with my mom and sisters, we had lots of time to relax and just hang out with family.  On Friday we took all of the nieces and nephews to Build-a-Bear Workshop where we made Annie her first official bear.  We had to make a quick stop at St. Nick’s Village to pick up our 2011 Christmas ornaments (little ballet shoes for Annie, and a snowman couple with baby for the three of us).  We ended the day at White Fence Farms with my sister and nephew celebrating our anniversary.  Saturday we enjoyed a great family dinner at Cheddars, and got in lots of quality time with the family.  We ended up getting a bit more quality time after our car broke on Saturday night.   After much drama with the auto shop, we finally got our car back on Monday evening, drove thru the night and it home early Tuesday morning and started getting ready for the next big event…

 

He Went to Paris

There is an old Jimmy Buffet song that I love called He Went to Paris.  Here's a bit of the lyrics: 

 

He went to Paris, lookin’ for answers

To questions that bothered him so

He was impressive, young and aggressive

Savin the world on his own

 

But the warm summer breezes

The French wine and cheeses put his ambition at bay

The summers and winters, scattered like splinters

And four or five years slipped away.

 

This is what I feel like.  We get so busy living life and soaking up the love from our sweet girl and before we know it another two months have slipped away.

The last few months have been good, really good.  I don't want to be say they were wonderful or perfect but compared to the first couple of months, they have been really good.

The first month to six weeks that Annie was home, however, were rough for me. I went thru some massive post-adoption anxiety and didn't do a good job of handling it.  I never wanted to hurt myself or my child but I did not want to get out of bed despite the fact that I couldn't sleep and when I did, I was plagued with nightmares. I wasn't functioning well at all and the Massive Anxiety Diet of 2011 which resulted in me losing 25 pounds in 11 days was not good either.  Thankfuly, Chris is super husband, and between him, our social worker, amazing friends and family, an awesome Christian counselor, and my medical doctor who believed me, within weeks I was doing so much better.  Looking back on that time, I honestly feel like a totally different person from who I was during those 4-6 weeks.

At the beginning of July we headed to Michigan for a long 10 day vacation visting family and friends.  When we left I was still dealing with some moderate to severe anxiety.  By the time we returned I was rating my anxiety levels around low to medium with a few flashed of moderate.  And things have only improved from there, despite some major life changes for us. 

The change in our lives, besides adding Miss Annie to the family, has been Chris' job situation.  As he became increasingly dissatisfied with his job, we talked about him finding another tech job. Neither one of us felt that would solve anything. I asked Chris to do some serious soul searching and talk to friends and mentors and decide what he would like to go into.  In late June, he enrolled back in school to earn his post-Baccalaureate certification to teach.  He wants to teach math and work with junior high students.  I cannot tell you how proud of him I am.  He started classes in early July thru a local university's accelerated program and got A's in both of his classes.  He is now in two more classes and is getting A's in both of them.  He has never been a great student but he is seriously an awesome student now.

Because of the way the program is set up, classes are held two evenings a week, on Saturdays (he hasn't had a Saturday class yet - thank goodness!), or online.  The schedule works perfectly with mine - Chris is able to stay home and study and take care of Annie all week and I am home in the evenings when he goes to class or youth group.  It might not be a traditional set up but it works well for us. 

And in Annie news - our baby girl is almost 20 weeks old.  She is an absolute delight and we are so enamored with her.  Annie is sleeping thru the night and has been for a couple of months.  She is such an easy going baby - laughing, smiling, talking, rolling over, loves her jumperoo, recognizes and loves mama and daddy, is drooling like crazy, and is just a ton of fun. She loves to go for walks, to dance, laughs like crazy when one of us sing to her, loves any kind of music we play, and already enjoys when we read books to her.  At her 2 month appointment she weighed 14 lbs, 4 oz and was 24 inches long. It's official - she's growing!

As proof, here are some more recent photos:

 

All smiles for Daddy!

 

 

 

Her favorite outfit:

 

 

 

Tummy time talker:

 

 

 

Happy girl!

 

 

Our little family at the zoo - note the lip!

Whoopsiedoodle & Some News

And another 3 1/2 months has gone by without an update.  

And there is lots to share.

April was pretty low key but May brought big changes.  May brought us our sweet baby girl, Annie Hope.

Rewind - in early February we were notified by our agency that were chosen by another set of birth parents.  We met them toward the end of the month and it was considered an official match.  We had a chance to meet up with birth mom again in April and met a couple of her children.

And back to May...

Our sweet girl was born on May 16th which also happens to be my sister, Roma's 40th birthday.  Happy Birthday, Aunt Roma!  We were both present at the birth and birth mom had the nurse put the 2nd bracelet on me so I was able to go in the nursery with Annie.  We spent a lot of time visiting with the birth parents and her family and children and their social worker.  

Twenty-seven hours after she was born, we were on our way home with our daughter. 

 

Annie is now 11 weeks old and is the sweetest baby.  She pretty much only cries when she is hungry and we haven't gotten her bottle to her in a quick enough fashion.  She is sleeping 8-10 hours a night and loves her sleep!  She is cooing like crazy and smiling.  She is trying so hard to be a thumb sucker but can't get it to stay in her mouth - which is just fine with Mommy.  

Next up - Annie's adventures!

 

 

Another Quote - Because I Like Quotes

Someone posted the following on a forum that I am a member of.  It was originally a friend of their's Facebook status.  Spacing, underlining, and bolding are my emphases.

 

Everyone is aware of breast cancer.

 But did you know that 1 in 4 women expirience miscarriage, stillbirth, or an infant loss? 1 in 4!!!

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...society has deemed this a taboo subject.

Spread the word that Oct. 15 is National Pregnacy, Stillbirth, Infant Loss Remeberance Day.

 

How poignant, how true is that statement? 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

 

There is no adoption loss remembance day.  I checked. 

 

Our social workers told us that the pain we feel is similar to what one would go thru with a miscarriage or still birth.  Having experienced a miscarriage, I would definitely liken this pain more to a still birth.  It doesn't matter really, because I refuse to get into the "my grief is worse than your grief" game with anyone.  Bottom line, we are still hurting.  It will be 8 weeks on Monday and there are still so many moments where we are just raw. 

 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

 

Many of our family and friends expect us to be back to normal already.  We're not.  We won't be for a long time.  We might never be. 

 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

Randomness

Randomness bulleted - you've been warned:

• The weather this weekend has been dark and cold and gloomy.  I like it.  I think it reminded me that fall is on it's way and I'm down with that.
• We went to a visitation/funeral this weekend for a dearly loved man.  He went out in style - in a parade of sorts, pulled in a wagon by a John Deere tractor and followed by 3 more of his beloved tractors.  It would have been a grand day for a parade except for the cold and thunder and lightning and pouring rain - a bit miserable for the mourners but definitely memorable.
• Got to see lots of friends for very brief moments of time this weekend.  Over the past year that we've lived here, we have realized that life went on in our old town without us.  This weekend was a bittersweet reminder that we are loved and missed. 
• Ever since the failed placement, I really have not wanted to be touched, except by Chris.  I almost feel bereft if he isn't touching me.  We are not normally cuddly when we are going to sleep but over the past month it seems like one or the other of us has a hand reaching out, touching an arm or tummy or shoulder.  It just feels better that way.
• But I haven't wanted to be touched by others.  Little kids are OK, but not adults.  The whole thing is weird really since I am a total touch person - hugs, holding hands, snuggling.  I knew I was going to get hugged, like it or not, this weekend.  I tried not to let the thought of the impending hugs freak me out.  And yes, there were lots of hugs, some were weird, most were OK, some were very, very nice.  The hugs from my dearest friends were the best - it was just nice to be there with them, and get/give a hug and not have to say much   One woman was standing beside me and just kind of pulled my head into her shoulder and held me there - very "mom"ish.  Even that was OK.  One person grabbed me and kept telling me how beautiful I was - um, that one was a little weird.  What I knew though was that everyone who hugged and attempted to hug us did so out of love and caring for us, and that made it all OK.
• I jacked up my ankle and have no idea what I did.  It's been hurting for over a week.  And yet, I chose to wear my adorable black bow heels on Friday night.  Yep, that didn't help the ankle so much, neither did running thru the cemetary and jumping over headstones in slippery sandals in the pouring rain.  Plan of action - ice and ibuprofen, and maybe a doctor visit this week.
• With 207,000 miles on our 9 year old vehicle, we are finally, finally facing the fact that we may not get another year out of our little red Ford.  We are hoping for another 9 months at least - next June or July would be perfect - but we are also trying to prepare ourselves.  I've been cruising Ebay, Craig's List, and other used car sites and trying to find the car I want.  We kind of know that we'd like to move on to minivan land and have been asking friends for their recommendations.  Some of our friends are huge Saturn lovers, and another friend drove a Saturn Relay which she highly recommended.  It is what we are leaning toward right now but who knows when our trustly little truck will head to that junkyard in the sky.  Personally, I think both of us, while we'd prefer it to not happen soon, also can't wait to get rid of the manual transmission with all the city driving we do.
• We haven't heard much from our agency lately.  They were having a family outing on Saturday which we skipped to go to the funeral.  Our social worker goes on maternity leave soon so we have another social worker who will be working with us if the need arrives - that's social worker #4.  We've been really blessed with great social workers but had no idea that over the course of 9 months, we'd be dealing with 4 of them. 
• We had some Target gift cards burning a hole in our pocket so we went and picked up this last weekend.  I put it together last night.  It is adorable and easy to put together and, honestly, I love it.  It's weird but we really haven't bought a lot for Future Little One (FLO).  Our crib was given to us, we bought the dresser used from my cousin, we've been given bouncers, changing pad, toys, clothes, diaper bags, bathtubs, walkers, etc.  Friends went together to purchase our carseat/stroller system; my in-laws bought our pack & play/play yard; other friends gave us a beautiful adoption themed baby book; shortly before Not Our Baby was due, my cousin's wife showed up with a basket full of stuff - swaddlers, bottle brush and drying rack, formula containers, bibs, blankets, washcloths, etc.  We hadn't really purchased anything major - we'd picked up some diapers and outfits, pacifiers, socks, a couple of blankets, but nothing big.  So even though this only cost us $5 out of pocket, it felt huge to be buying something for our FLO. 
• It's almost the end of the fiscal year.  This is probably going to be one of my nuttiest weeks at work. 
• I got an email from my mom asking what we wanted for our birthdays - Chris's was in April, mine was in July. I can't help but wonder if she's just trying ensure that we get her a birthday gift in December. 
• It's 10:06 pm.  Must go to bed.
• Good gracious, I am wordy in my randomness.
• This is one of my absolute favorite songs ever (You'll have to hit pause on the sidebar player) for obvious reasons.

 

 

**Updated**First I Rant, Then I Count My Blessings

I've written posts in my head.  Posts about how we are doing, blah, blah, blah.  The good moments make for boring blogging.  I'll bore you another day.

Right now, I'm pretty pissed.  Not at our situation even but at how some of our friends are handling our situation.  If you are a friend and you are reading this post on my blog, you are probably safe from my wrath.  It's the friends that don't read this blog that I have had it with. 

To keep them straight, here's a bulleted list:

• To the idiot co-worker "friend" who thinks it's helpful to tell me we'll get a baby, but "you know, you might have to wait a year or even two or three to get picked again."  Seriously?  Do you honestly think this is helpful?  And you know how you keep asking questions about us and the agency and if I've heard from them, I understand that you pretty much just want to ensure that you are the first person to know when we are chosen again.  Guess what?  You will find out that we got chosen again when I don't show up to work for 12 weeks straight.  You are not to be trusted.  I learned my lesson.  I am not stupid.
• To the flaky friend who made a huge deal out of wanting to buy our stroller/carseat for us.  Please spare the rest of the world your drama and stop offering to buy gifts that you don't ever intend to purchase.  And don't suggest that someone orders their "gift" themselves and that you'll reimburse them.  That is not a gift; it is a reimbursement.  We bought the stroller/carseat.  We are keeping it for the baby we know will come home with us someday.  We are no longer holding our breaths waiting for you to send us the "gift money."  In fact, please return the money to the people you got it from, or give it to charity, or something.  Thank you for apologizing.  Thank you for the stroller.  No, my husband won't beat you up this weekend.
• To the flaky friend who emails and asks if it's OK to call, and when given the OK, chooses to not call, again, spare me your drama.  Don't tell people that you have spoken with me and I'm doing OK.  You have not spoken with me and I'm not OK.  Here's two words you need to learn - follow through.  Thank you for being gracious and realizing you screwed up.  I want to think it will all be OK in time, but my expectations are and will be much, much lower. 
• To the mom friend who said you believe you know EXACTLY how I feel, you don't.  You have a child, I don't.  You have NO idea how I feel.  End of discussion.  Can we just agree that we both have felt pain and neither of us can every fully understand the other?
• To the friend who keeps reminding me that you are sad too, I get it.  I get that you are grieving for me, but I cannot handle your grief.  I cannot handle your hugs.  I cannot handle your pity. 

I could go on and on.

But there is another list I need to share, because I refuse to let the anger win right now.  And to be honest, yes, I'm angry about our situation but there is a lot of crap going down right now and it's making it hard to deal. 

And then there are my blessings: 

• Chris - you are the bestest husband ever.  Yep, this is definitely part of our broken road. 
• Amy - my dear friend who knows my heart better than anyone right now.  God gave me you to get me thru this.  Thank you for the texts, phone calls, visits, emails, etc. 
• Amyla - my oldest friend, you too know my heart.  Thank you for being here when it really mattered, for knowing that I may not want to talk, and for loving me.
• My big sister - for letting me talk, for giving me space, for being the family buffer. 
• Jes - for giving me space, listening, letting me ramble, blah, blah, blah.  A+, friend, A+.
• Jen - we barely know each other but thank you for reaching out.  You are one of the few people who do really understand how I feel.  Thank you for validating my feelings, letting me rant, and helping me laugh thru the tears.
• Sarah - you may not be my real cousin, but you are family.  Thank you for opening your home, feeding us, checking in on us, sharing your boys, etc.  It means the world to us.
• My HP5 - Heather, Mer, Meg, Rach, Sarah - thank you for knowing what I've needed and loving me thru it all.
• Michelle - you too are one of the few who know exactly how I feel.  Thanks for loving on us.
• Kari & Christina - our social workers, thank you for checking on us, praying for us, recognizing this as a loss, and giving us the resources that we may need to move thru this. 

Again, I could go on. 

For every stupid, inane person we've encountered, someone has quietly loved on us. 

For every hurtful comment, there were prayers said for us. 

Just moments ago I checked my email.  A dear friend is losing her father tonight.  He is in the final stages of pancreatic cancer and is not expected to be of this earth much longer.  I sent her a brief email earlier this evening letting her know our thoughts and prayers were with her and her family.  She just responded thanking me for the prayers and wanting to know how we are doing.  Humbled.

Psalm 27:13-14

Of this I am still confident, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the livng.  Wait on the Lord, be strong, take heart, and wait on the Lord.

One More In a Long String of Catch-up Posts

Wow, so July just kind of flew by.  Want to know what we were up to?

Here's the bullet-point version:

• 10 days in Michigan visiting family & friends and watching our niece and nephew.  Major fun was had!  We got to celebrate Marshall's (nephew) birthday.  And we got to celebrate my birthday - canoeing, lunch & waterpark with friends, cupcakes at Cake Nouveau, dinner with family, my mother-in-law's amazing chocolate cake, and the return of my brother and sister-in-law from their weirdly awful North Carolina adventures.
• Oh and saw Toy Story 3 and sobbed my freaking heart out!
• Flew in late Sunday night and met Birthmom for breakfast the next morning.  She is adorable and it was good to meet up with her again.
• Home for 3 1/2 days.
• Drove down to Omaha on Thursday night and had a lovely evening strolling thru the Old Market and relaxing.
• Flew out early the next morning to meet up with four of the most amazing women, my Hannah girls!  Seriously, it was exactly what my heart needed!
• Arrived home on Sunday.
• Worked like crazy all week - driving over 200 miles a day. 
• Headed to Omaha for the weekend for a meeting and get together.
• Home again on Saturday night - impromptu date with my cousin and her husband, Tina & Josh - they crashed our booth at Applebee's - way fun!
• The following week was a mixture of craziness - pedicure with Tina, massage, baby shower with work friends, stess about the adoption.
• Spent Saturday at my friend Sara's salon getting my hair cut & colored, chatting with her and the kiddos, and the she gave me tons of baby stuff - yay!  Oh and we got Sunshine Donuts - the best ever and what memories.  Relaxing evening with the hubs followed by church on Sunday morning, an awesome lunch with friends, and small group.  Good times.

And now we wait.  Just waiting for a call from our social worker.  I know that's what you're all here for!  Will update when we know more.

I Freely Admit That I Suck

Yes, that was horrible and mean and nasty of me to throw that out there and walk away for a few weeks.  It's just, well, I feel like I'm going to jinx myself if I put this out there. 

So for now I'm just going to say this -

• I'm not pregnant.
• There is a growing herd of elephants of every shape, size, and style in my house.
• My house smells of equal parts paint and Dreft.
• The color of this post should give you another hint.

More to come...

 

 

Not What I Promised, But You'll Like it Anyway

I promise the rant post is still coming, but it is a work in progress.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. 

Which is awesome.

If you are a mom.

Or have an awesome mom.

Not so awesome if you’re not a mom.

Or don’t have a great relationship with your mom.

Or you’ve lost a baby.

Or you’ve lost your mom.

My mom and I have a weird relationship.  I wouldn’t call it bad, but I don’t define it as awesome.  Plain and simple, I was a daddy’s girl.  I still am.  I’m sure my mom loves me, but we do not have the mother/daughter bond that Hallmark writes about in their cards.  I feel like no matter what I do, it is not good enough for my mom.  I’m not the cutest, the smartest, the wealthiest, etc.  It has taken me years of therapy to realize I need to not care what my mom thinks.  I can still honor her without letting her run my life or falling into her guilt trips.  I bought a card but forgot to send it.  So we sent flowers – tulips to be specific, which will be delivered tomorrow.  I think a couple of years ago I would have worried about putting this out there in a public place for her to stumble upon.  Not anymore.  A year or two ago, I said all of this to her, told her how I felt.  And it didn’t really phase her, at least I don’t think so, as there was very little response.  So I love her, and she loves me, but we really don’t have a lot to talk about.  But it’s OK.

I’ve kind of surrounded myself with women who can answer that need for maternal guidance in my life.  Some are older & wiser, some my age, even a few younger.  They are all my friends, my sisters, my mothers.  In no certain order:

· Roma – my best sister.  She’s my only sister (I have 5) that I talk to on a semi-regular basis.  She gets how I feel about Mom and she makes me laugh when I need it most.  And she reminds me how much my dad loves us and how proud he’d be of us today.  Not to mention, she’s funny, has a nice (that means he’ll talk to me – most of my BILs aren’t talkers) hubby and is the mommy of my super cutie-patootie nephew, Ryan.

· Every single one of my secretaries – Mindy, Jeannine, Sherry, Carolyn, Joann, Colleen, and Bonnie.  Each of them have poured love and wisdom and goodness and laughter into my life. 

· Amy – seriously, it’s like God sent someone into my life whose steps I would follow almost directly in.  Amy lost her dad almost 2 years before I lost mine, and she stepped with me through the final days of his life and the months of intense grief that followed.  She went thru years of infertility treatments, finally saying enough and pursuing domestic infant adoption, and now is a mommy to two of the most insanely cute boys you have ever met.  She has prayed and reached out and just been there when I needed someone who really understood what I was going through – she really understands.  And sometimes that understanding came in the form of Mexican food and margaritas, and sometimes it meant letting me snuggle her baby all through church.  She gives me cards on Mother's Day, knowing my heart's desire, and she sends texts on Father's Day, knowing how much I miss my dad. She really understands.

· Shiela – who’d have thunk that letting our husbands play chess at the coffee shop would result in us becoming the best of friends???  She and her husband, Joe, are mine and Chris’s closest couple friends – you know, where you and your husband both like her and her husband the same, yeah, like that.  She (they) have walked this journey with us, surrounding us with love, board games, and chocolate.

· My mom-in-law – she loves me.  She is way different than me, but she loves me.  And you may not think that means much, but when I know that she loathed Chris’s ex and wouldn’t visit them when they lived 5 minutes down the road yet she has driven to Iowa multiple times to hang out with us, it means a super lot.  She loves me and she gets me cool gifts (even though she hated getting me a kitchen appliance, I FREAKING LOVE that programmable crockpot!) and bakes me chocolate cake and takes my side lots of times in ‘discussions’ with Chris.  She loves me.

· My HP Girls – you know who you are.  I am blown away by the love and wisdom and goodness and heart each of you possess and bless me with. 

· My KC Girls – Rach & Lizzie – you may not know it but you two rock.  I love your hearts and your candor and your freaking adorable children and the fact that you’ll meet a virtual stranger and her husband at Red Robin on a random Saturday afternoon.  To say I’ve learned a lot from both of you – yeah, major understatement.  Must get more face time with the two of you very soon.

· My sister-in-law, Carrie.  At some point after Chris and I had been married a while, I realized that I would only have 1 sister-in-law.  I have 5 sisters and no brothers, so I’d only get BILs from them.  Chris has just 1 brother, hence only 1 SIL.  And really, I got the best one.  She makes me laugh, commiserates with me on our husbands and their obsession with a certain LARP that shall remain nameless, and does super sweet stuff like fly me out for the weekend to see her since the boys (husbands) are off playing in the woods.  She also, despite being a doctor, understands the needs for donuts and chocolate to be a part of one’s existence.  And she is my official pedicure buddy.  She has also dealt with some crappy stuff in her life with a lot of grace and honesty, and has been an amazing example of “for better or worse” for me.

There are so many more I could list.  So many women who have give a piece of themselves to love and support me.  Much love to each of you, my friends!

I’ll be very honest here.  I’m not sure how tomorrow is going to be for me.  We are skipping church.  Don’t judge.  It’s just what we do on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Normally we go on a little weekend romantic getaway.  This year, in the interest of saving money, we didn’t go away.  But we did sign up to walk the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K tomorrow morning.  We’ll be walking with a huge team of folks.  Afterwards we’ve been invited to go out to brunch with my cousins and their families (many of them are also on our team and will be walking/running).    I don’t know how I’ll feel but I am glad that we are going to be with family.

 I also had a good cry on Friday which let off a little of the stress I was feeling – not all IF related, in fact it started because of a co-worker who is moving and then snowballed from there.  (Reminder to self – don’t listen to K-LOVE around Mother’s Day – just don’t.)  It seems weird to say it was a good cry, but it really was.   My 20 minute drive home is the perfect amount of time – leave work, get on bypass, hear K-LOVE’s mother’s prayer thing, start crying, merge onto highway, cry, talk to God, cry, yell at K-LOVE, cry, sniffle, talk to God some more, cry, feel His arms around me, sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, arrive home and walk into Chris’s arms.  Aaaaaahhhh.  And I felt a lot better, and today has been totally tear-free.  And no matter what happens, or how many tears are shed, as my husband likes to remind me, I am an expectant mommy.  

Praying for all of you mommies out there, and all of you who so want to be – love to you all!

Official

We found out late last week that we are officially approved.  Whew!

And on Tuesday afternoon, as requested, I deliverd 4 copies of our profile to our agency.  We designed and ordered them off of Shutterfly, and if I do say so myself, they are beautiful.  We ordered an extra copy and both Chris and I love to just look throught it.  I won't be sharing the link to it on here, but if you know me and you'd like to see what it looks like, leave a comment or shoot me an email and I'll send you the link from Shutterfly.

So what does it mean to be approved?  For us, it means that our profile can now be shown to expectant parents who are considering making an adoption plan. 

To be very honest, it's all a bit nerve-wracking.  We've been told we could have anywhere from a 2 week to a 2 year wait.  It all depends on that expectant parent choosing our profile and choosing us to parent her child.  For someone (or two someones in our case) who absolutely dreaded pick-your-own-team day in gym class, this is tough stuff.  But we know, we know God has a plan and perfect timing.  So we wait, with hopeful hearts and dreams of little ones, we wait.

 

PS... or more boring stuff...

I wanted to share one little thing that I have tucked away in my heart and get teary whenever I think about. 

On Friday, I got home from work and was relaxing, waiting for 5:00 to roll around and Chris to be done with his workday.  (We had found out around 10ish that morning that we were officially approved.)  He came out of his office and handed me an envelope and walked out of the room.  In the envelope was a card, an expectant mommy card, and in it he had written a little note about how we may not be expecting in the usual way, we are still expecting and our baby was out there and he couldn't wait to watch me be a mom. Good gracious, did the tears ever roll!  And all I could do was speak the words from one of my favoritest commercials ever, "I love this man.  I love this man.  I love this man."