Words of a Life

On to November

November ended up being one of our most exciting months of the year.  We spent the month counting our blessings and giving thanks for so very much.

The first couple of weekends in November we kept busy helping friends move and catching up with other dear friends.  We got in some awesome family time and celebrated Annie’s 6 month birthday.

The second week of November our social worker came down for our final post placement visit.  The following Saturday, November 19^th, our county hosted a local Adoption Day Celebration.  Annie’s adoption was finalized along with 14 other children!  The day started out with some crazy freezing rain and some of our dear friends north of us were unable to come down.  Many others were able to brave the weather and we had over 55 friends and family members join us in the courtroom for the official ceremony and at our celebration dinner afterward at a local Irish pub.  It was such an amazing day!  Although she has felt like ours from the moment her birth parents placed her in our arms, it felt amazing to have the adoption finalized and know that our sweet girl was officially, legally, our daughter.  I smiled so much that day that my cheeks hurt for two days afterward!  See evidence below - our official courthouse picture.

A few days later we loaded up the car and drove out to Denver, CO to spend Thanksgiving with my family.  We had a great time!  Besides enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with my sister and her family, and then dessert with my mom and sisters, we had lots of time to relax and just hang out with family.  On Friday we took all of the nieces and nephews to Build-a-Bear Workshop where we made Annie her first official bear.  We had to make a quick stop at St. Nick’s Village to pick up our 2011 Christmas ornaments (little ballet shoes for Annie, and a snowman couple with baby for the three of us).  We ended the day at White Fence Farms with my sister and nephew celebrating our anniversary.  Saturday we enjoyed a great family dinner at Cheddars, and got in lots of quality time with the family.  We ended up getting a bit more quality time after our car broke on Saturday night.   After much drama with the auto shop, we finally got our car back on Monday evening, drove thru the night and it home early Tuesday morning and started getting ready for the next big event…

 

Definitely Not Very Timely At This Blogging Thing

It's crazy...every time I think of my blog "He Went to Paris" starts playing in my head.  I'm a little ashamed that it's been six months since I've posted.  Definitely time to catch up again. 

Since it's been 6 months, I think I'll do a post for each month - hence six posts!  Whoo hoo, I rock!

So what've we been up to???

October

We spent most of October traveling to and fro.  Mid-month, Chris flew out to MI for a long weekend of fighting in the woods.  He had a great time and enjoyed an extra night in Chicago courtesy of American Airlines.

The following weekend, Chris and four other friends went on a pilgrimage to Denver and Sports Authority Field at Mile High.  The Denver Broncso were taking on Chris' beloved Detroit Lions.  Of the other guys, two were devoted Broncos fans and two were Lions fans.  They all had a fantastic weekend eating, watching football, and playing board games.

Both weekends that Chris was out of town, Annie and I spent time with friends. 

The first weekend, we dropped Chris off at the airport, drove to Harlan, picked up the Herzberg family, and headed north to see our Beach friends.  Shiela, Kathi, and I spent Saturday at a local craft show and we squeezed in a fun visit with Annie's birth mom over lunch.

The following weekend we stayed in Harlan and hung out with Shiela and the girls and our friend Anne.  (Both Shiela's and Anne's husbands were on the football trip with Chris.) Since it was the weekend before Halloween, we also had a chance to spend time at Harlan's Harvest Fest and caught up with several friends while wandering around the town square.  Annie slept thru most of the festivities but was a hit in her little star costume. It was a beautiful weekend and I loved getting in quality time with great friends!

He Went to Paris

There is an old Jimmy Buffet song that I love called He Went to Paris.  Here's a bit of the lyrics: 

 

He went to Paris, lookin’ for answers

To questions that bothered him so

He was impressive, young and aggressive

Savin the world on his own

 

But the warm summer breezes

The French wine and cheeses put his ambition at bay

The summers and winters, scattered like splinters

And four or five years slipped away.

 

This is what I feel like.  We get so busy living life and soaking up the love from our sweet girl and before we know it another two months have slipped away.

The last few months have been good, really good.  I don't want to be say they were wonderful or perfect but compared to the first couple of months, they have been really good.

The first month to six weeks that Annie was home, however, were rough for me. I went thru some massive post-adoption anxiety and didn't do a good job of handling it.  I never wanted to hurt myself or my child but I did not want to get out of bed despite the fact that I couldn't sleep and when I did, I was plagued with nightmares. I wasn't functioning well at all and the Massive Anxiety Diet of 2011 which resulted in me losing 25 pounds in 11 days was not good either.  Thankfuly, Chris is super husband, and between him, our social worker, amazing friends and family, an awesome Christian counselor, and my medical doctor who believed me, within weeks I was doing so much better.  Looking back on that time, I honestly feel like a totally different person from who I was during those 4-6 weeks.

At the beginning of July we headed to Michigan for a long 10 day vacation visting family and friends.  When we left I was still dealing with some moderate to severe anxiety.  By the time we returned I was rating my anxiety levels around low to medium with a few flashed of moderate.  And things have only improved from there, despite some major life changes for us. 

The change in our lives, besides adding Miss Annie to the family, has been Chris' job situation.  As he became increasingly dissatisfied with his job, we talked about him finding another tech job. Neither one of us felt that would solve anything. I asked Chris to do some serious soul searching and talk to friends and mentors and decide what he would like to go into.  In late June, he enrolled back in school to earn his post-Baccalaureate certification to teach.  He wants to teach math and work with junior high students.  I cannot tell you how proud of him I am.  He started classes in early July thru a local university's accelerated program and got A's in both of his classes.  He is now in two more classes and is getting A's in both of them.  He has never been a great student but he is seriously an awesome student now.

Because of the way the program is set up, classes are held two evenings a week, on Saturdays (he hasn't had a Saturday class yet - thank goodness!), or online.  The schedule works perfectly with mine - Chris is able to stay home and study and take care of Annie all week and I am home in the evenings when he goes to class or youth group.  It might not be a traditional set up but it works well for us. 

And in Annie news - our baby girl is almost 20 weeks old.  She is an absolute delight and we are so enamored with her.  Annie is sleeping thru the night and has been for a couple of months.  She is such an easy going baby - laughing, smiling, talking, rolling over, loves her jumperoo, recognizes and loves mama and daddy, is drooling like crazy, and is just a ton of fun. She loves to go for walks, to dance, laughs like crazy when one of us sing to her, loves any kind of music we play, and already enjoys when we read books to her.  At her 2 month appointment she weighed 14 lbs, 4 oz and was 24 inches long. It's official - she's growing!

As proof, here are some more recent photos:

 

All smiles for Daddy!

 

 

 

Her favorite outfit:

 

 

 

Tummy time talker:

 

 

 

Happy girl!

 

 

Our little family at the zoo - note the lip!

Whoopsiedoodle & Some News

And another 3 1/2 months has gone by without an update.  

And there is lots to share.

April was pretty low key but May brought big changes.  May brought us our sweet baby girl, Annie Hope.

Rewind - in early February we were notified by our agency that were chosen by another set of birth parents.  We met them toward the end of the month and it was considered an official match.  We had a chance to meet up with birth mom again in April and met a couple of her children.

And back to May...

Our sweet girl was born on May 16th which also happens to be my sister, Roma's 40th birthday.  Happy Birthday, Aunt Roma!  We were both present at the birth and birth mom had the nurse put the 2nd bracelet on me so I was able to go in the nursery with Annie.  We spent a lot of time visiting with the birth parents and her family and children and their social worker.  

Twenty-seven hours after she was born, we were on our way home with our daughter. 

 

Annie is now 11 weeks old and is the sweetest baby.  She pretty much only cries when she is hungry and we haven't gotten her bottle to her in a quick enough fashion.  She is sleeping 8-10 hours a night and loves her sleep!  She is cooing like crazy and smiling.  She is trying so hard to be a thumb sucker but can't get it to stay in her mouth - which is just fine with Mommy.  

Next up - Annie's adventures!

 

 

2011 - so far

I had such great aspirations for blogging this year.  To be perfectly honest, I just haven't been feeling it.  I shall attempt to do better in the months to come.

Moving on.

Life has been busy, full of lots of little twists and turns and ups and downs and in just the 79 days that have come and gone so far in 2011, life has simply demanded to be lived.  

Already we've said goodbye to some dear ones, and hello to others. We've celebrated and we've mourned. We've made it thru what seem to be the last vestiges of winter, and are now anticipating spring. We've dreamt little dreams, and now are dreaming bigger dreams. We have danced and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, and we have gone to bed at 9:00 pm and slept in until 10:00 am. We've planned and prepared and proposed and presented and simply prayed. We've let go of some of the little things - the happiness suckers - and we've opened our hearts to the endless possibilities and hopes for the future. We have loved and laughed and cried and sassed and smiled and demanded and believed. We've eaten waffles and brisket and played cards and board games. We've cleaned and sorted and shoved stuff under the bed to be dealt with at a yet to be determined time. And we watched movies and fought zombies and fixed  broken cars and wrestled with giggly 2-yr olds who ply us with, "Again! Do again!" We have driven hundreds of miles, earned special tickets for going fast, and we have stayed home, snuggled up on the couch watching animated movies that make us smile and cry. We have captured moments in pixels and kilobytes and wavelengths.  

We have simply refused to give up, to stop living, loving, breathing, being.

And thru it all we remember this:

 

God is very seldom early, but He is never, ever late.

Waiting Room

After yet another piece of hard news, a friend shared this song with me.  It seems to fit our situation so well, yet I imagine it also is a good fit for so many people waiting for something or someone.

 

 

 

Because of Isaac

There is this amazing lady that I claim to know.  Her name is Wendy and I met her through Hannah's Prayer.  I've written about Hannah's Prayer before - it is a forum for Christian women dealing with infertility and infant loss.  Wendy's story has given me a lot of hope over the past few years. 

Anyway, a couple of years ago, Wendy and her husband adopted a sweet, sweet little guy named Isaac.  And now, they want to do more.  They have started their own foundation to help other families trying to adopt.  

It is called Because of Isaac.  Please go visit this site to see how you can help.

 

 

 

National Adoption Month

It's National Adoption Month.  If you go here, you can read the Presidential Proclamation.  For many reasons, this month is dear to our hearts.  Even if your life hasn't been touched by adoption, bets are it will be at some point.  You can get involved with National Adoption Month using one of these handy calendars.  Today's activity is to read an adoption-specific book.   I've slowly been working my way through The Spirit of Open Adoption by James Gritter and I had a few minutes to skim the current chapter I'm in.

There's so much more to write, but two visitations and two funerals in two days has about done me in and most of the action is yet to come tomorrow. 

Another Quote - Because I Like Quotes

Someone posted the following on a forum that I am a member of.  It was originally a friend of their's Facebook status.  Spacing, underlining, and bolding are my emphases.

 

Everyone is aware of breast cancer.

 But did you know that 1 in 4 women expirience miscarriage, stillbirth, or an infant loss? 1 in 4!!!

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...society has deemed this a taboo subject.

Spread the word that Oct. 15 is National Pregnacy, Stillbirth, Infant Loss Remeberance Day.

 

How poignant, how true is that statement? 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

 

There is no adoption loss remembance day.  I checked. 

 

Our social workers told us that the pain we feel is similar to what one would go thru with a miscarriage or still birth.  Having experienced a miscarriage, I would definitely liken this pain more to a still birth.  It doesn't matter really, because I refuse to get into the "my grief is worse than your grief" game with anyone.  Bottom line, we are still hurting.  It will be 8 weeks on Monday and there are still so many moments where we are just raw. 

 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

 

Many of our family and friends expect us to be back to normal already.  We're not.  We won't be for a long time.  We might never be. 

 

The grief far outlasts the sympathy...

Randomness

Randomness bulleted - you've been warned:

• The weather this weekend has been dark and cold and gloomy.  I like it.  I think it reminded me that fall is on it's way and I'm down with that.
• We went to a visitation/funeral this weekend for a dearly loved man.  He went out in style - in a parade of sorts, pulled in a wagon by a John Deere tractor and followed by 3 more of his beloved tractors.  It would have been a grand day for a parade except for the cold and thunder and lightning and pouring rain - a bit miserable for the mourners but definitely memorable.
• Got to see lots of friends for very brief moments of time this weekend.  Over the past year that we've lived here, we have realized that life went on in our old town without us.  This weekend was a bittersweet reminder that we are loved and missed. 
• Ever since the failed placement, I really have not wanted to be touched, except by Chris.  I almost feel bereft if he isn't touching me.  We are not normally cuddly when we are going to sleep but over the past month it seems like one or the other of us has a hand reaching out, touching an arm or tummy or shoulder.  It just feels better that way.
• But I haven't wanted to be touched by others.  Little kids are OK, but not adults.  The whole thing is weird really since I am a total touch person - hugs, holding hands, snuggling.  I knew I was going to get hugged, like it or not, this weekend.  I tried not to let the thought of the impending hugs freak me out.  And yes, there were lots of hugs, some were weird, most were OK, some were very, very nice.  The hugs from my dearest friends were the best - it was just nice to be there with them, and get/give a hug and not have to say much   One woman was standing beside me and just kind of pulled my head into her shoulder and held me there - very "mom"ish.  Even that was OK.  One person grabbed me and kept telling me how beautiful I was - um, that one was a little weird.  What I knew though was that everyone who hugged and attempted to hug us did so out of love and caring for us, and that made it all OK.
• I jacked up my ankle and have no idea what I did.  It's been hurting for over a week.  And yet, I chose to wear my adorable black bow heels on Friday night.  Yep, that didn't help the ankle so much, neither did running thru the cemetary and jumping over headstones in slippery sandals in the pouring rain.  Plan of action - ice and ibuprofen, and maybe a doctor visit this week.
• With 207,000 miles on our 9 year old vehicle, we are finally, finally facing the fact that we may not get another year out of our little red Ford.  We are hoping for another 9 months at least - next June or July would be perfect - but we are also trying to prepare ourselves.  I've been cruising Ebay, Craig's List, and other used car sites and trying to find the car I want.  We kind of know that we'd like to move on to minivan land and have been asking friends for their recommendations.  Some of our friends are huge Saturn lovers, and another friend drove a Saturn Relay which she highly recommended.  It is what we are leaning toward right now but who knows when our trustly little truck will head to that junkyard in the sky.  Personally, I think both of us, while we'd prefer it to not happen soon, also can't wait to get rid of the manual transmission with all the city driving we do.
• We haven't heard much from our agency lately.  They were having a family outing on Saturday which we skipped to go to the funeral.  Our social worker goes on maternity leave soon so we have another social worker who will be working with us if the need arrives - that's social worker #4.  We've been really blessed with great social workers but had no idea that over the course of 9 months, we'd be dealing with 4 of them. 
• We had some Target gift cards burning a hole in our pocket so we went and picked up this last weekend.  I put it together last night.  It is adorable and easy to put together and, honestly, I love it.  It's weird but we really haven't bought a lot for Future Little One (FLO).  Our crib was given to us, we bought the dresser used from my cousin, we've been given bouncers, changing pad, toys, clothes, diaper bags, bathtubs, walkers, etc.  Friends went together to purchase our carseat/stroller system; my in-laws bought our pack & play/play yard; other friends gave us a beautiful adoption themed baby book; shortly before Not Our Baby was due, my cousin's wife showed up with a basket full of stuff - swaddlers, bottle brush and drying rack, formula containers, bibs, blankets, washcloths, etc.  We hadn't really purchased anything major - we'd picked up some diapers and outfits, pacifiers, socks, a couple of blankets, but nothing big.  So even though this only cost us $5 out of pocket, it felt huge to be buying something for our FLO. 
• It's almost the end of the fiscal year.  This is probably going to be one of my nuttiest weeks at work. 
• I got an email from my mom asking what we wanted for our birthdays - Chris's was in April, mine was in July. I can't help but wonder if she's just trying ensure that we get her a birthday gift in December. 
• It's 10:06 pm.  Must go to bed.
• Good gracious, I am wordy in my randomness.
• This is one of my absolute favorite songs ever (You'll have to hit pause on the sidebar player) for obvious reasons.